GUESS HOW MUCH?

GUESS HOW MUCH?

Awhile ago, I passed behind my wife who was scrolling her FB and what caught me was what she was watching that time, American actor/comedian Jimmy O Yang said his mom's fav catch phrase was: GUESS HOW MUCH?  And threw me up with a long list of GUESS HOW MUCH questions. LIKE, GUESS HOW MUCH have you gone so far?  GUESS HOW MUCH you have been of value to your loved ones?  GUESS HOW MUCH are you deemed successful to date?  GUESS HOW MUCH more you need to change anything within yourself?  GUESS HOW MUCH have you realized if you have hit the ceiling of WHAT goals you pre-set?  GUESS HOW MUCH you have been of help not just to your loved ones BUT to your colleagues either in your business OR workplace

You might wonder, at WHAT point in your life should you rattle off with yourself this bunch of GUESS HOW MUCH questions?  My curt advice.  As soon as you graduate from college/university OR as soon as you finish up schooling.  WHY?  This will be part of your optional CHECKPOINTS in life.  BUT if you ask me, I WON'T tag this as OPTIONAL but instead MANDATORY.  WHY?  This is for you.  WHY scrimp on time & effort to CHECKPOINT yourself?

Frankly, I did ask myself this GUESS HOW MUCH question at every CHECKPOINT in my life and if I have to rewind my life, surely I'll go through that CHECKPOINT cycle over again because it gave me tons and tons of benefits.  As a post mortem from those GUESS HOW MUCH questions, I was able to have the following realizations:

• WHAT steps I embarked which are missteps that need to be corrected and rectified
• HOW did I handle doing some steps where the impact to either my loved ones or colleagues could have been contained
• WHEN did I take certain steps where I could have improved things with a better timing
• WHERE could I have done things much better

The thing is, let's apply INVERSION THINKING here.  WHAT IF I DIDN'T tweak and tune the things I was doing?  WHAT IF I DIDN'T realize my shortfalls and miscues then? WHAT IF I DIDN'T recognize my imperfections at that time WHAT IF I DIDN'T agree that there are improvement areas 

WHAT IF I DIDN'T realize that there are realizations in life

WHAT IF I DIDN'T acknowledge the need to correct myself

WHAT IF I DIDN'T exert efforts to correct my imperfections

WHAT IF I DIDN'T accept a need to run checkpoint like this

WHAT IF I DIDN'T believe that nothing is cast in stone

WHAT IF I DIDN'T become receptive to changes 

Our takeaway?  Yes, in our lives, NOTHING is really cast in stone.  Regardless of your best intentions combined with your capability, there will be tweaks and tunings that will improve your lot along the way.  The worst thing is for one to resist [and I'd like to call it, to be damn STUBBORN] from all these compelling reasons to CHECKPOINT oneself from time to time and ask, GUESS HOW MUCH❓❓❓

Is Paying Attention A Challenge?

Is Paying Attention A Challenge?

Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher was once quoted 'PLEASURABLE ACTIVITIES TEND TO DESTROY THE UNPLEASURABLE'.  Let's have a classic example.  If my pleasure are NETFLIX movies, even if I'm washing the dishes, that washing will ground to a halt once the NETFLIX movie starts.  Now, there seems to be a mix-up between ATTENTION versus INTEREST.  WHILE INTEREST is ATTENTION that is given to OR received from someone OR something while ATTENTION is no more no less than MENTAL FOCUS.  And are we aware and cognizant that once we get into MULTI-TASKING, that is a direct result of a LACK OF FOCUS?  And if our situation is NOT complex enough, as we are bombarded with an overload and overdose of information, that pushes us to further compromise FOCUS with all the distraction and worsening unmanageability.  So, the question worth asking: Is Paying Attention A Challenge❔❔❔

Experts confirm that at some points in our life, one's mental FOCUS may give way to someone OR something that is of interest.  ATTENTION remains there BUT the object of the ATTENTION has shifted from one object to another.  WHICH brings both my feet on the ground when I recall when sometimes, a task can be boring, tedious OR worst, meaningless and thus less pleasurable, WHAT happens next is we tend to look for an alternative📗📙📘

WHAT happens next, we might label that experience as too hard OR even frustrating OR worst, stressful.  However, WHAT we are really doing is leaving something OR someone WHO is less interesting for someone OR something that may become more interesting.  WHAT happens next is that our ATTENTION remains there BUT it has shifted from Point A to Point B.  One thing that flummoxed me is HOW does MULTI-TASKING  really affect ATTENTION?  For one, part of the constant shifting of preferences has led to an inability to focus on one thing at a time.  MULTI-TASKING can even result in time wasted due to human context switching and becoming more prone to errors and mistakes.  Oh, that sounds familiar.  WHAT causes those errors?  Blame it to the insufficient ATTENTION when it is harder to give ATTENTION💦💦💦

MULTI-TASKING also has been shown to lead to higher levels of distractibility, which comprises one's focus even more.  Strangely, experts reveal out of their researches that MULTI-TASKING has been proven to slow down task completion.  And as a result, most studies on MULTI-TASKING have demonstrated that MULTI-TASKING is NOT that efficient and will create OR lead to DISTRACTIONS that will eventually NEGATIVELY affect one's ability to focus.  Sadly, MULTI-TASKING has grown more popular as a direct result of the busy lives we lead through📌📌📌

Our takeaway?  MULTI-TASKING is an attempt to try and catch up to all that has been left undone.  Sounds solidly convincing?  Me things that that argument is quite water-tight enough.  Now, do we want to pass the buck?  Yesirrr, can we blame things on the INFORMATION OVERLOAD that seems to be like an avalanche in a harsh winter.  Looping into Aristotle, the Greek Philosopher WHO espoused that as humans, we are primed to move from WHAT we find as unpleasurable to something more pleasurable.  This does, however, set us up to be attracted to our DISTRACTIONS.  Ultimately, WHEN interest displaces our ATTENTION more often, our ATTENTION span shrinks.  So, IS PAYING ATTENTION A CHALLENGE?  Absolutely dude💧💧💧

We CAN'T Have The Cake & Eat It Too

We CAN'T Have The Cake & Eat It Too

Does HAPPINESS just HAPPENS?  No sirrrrrs. It is achieved.  It is NOT something you're born with OR given OR bequeathed.  So, you might challenge me, 'How can HAPPINESS HAPPEN?' It is something we acquire through hard work.  You could be born with a bright and sunny personality [WHICH obviously makes it easier to feel OR be HAPPY] BUT nevertheless, it is something, you got to work at and consistently exert your effort. We CAN'T Have The Cake & Eat It Too.  So, HOW?  HOW do we achieve our HAPPINESS?  NOT to scare everyone BUT the truth is, it is NOT that simple.  For any adult, one has to strategize to help yourself to attain it.  BUT for that to HAPPEN, you must first see things and yourself as they really are and be prepared to make changes WHERE necessary📘📙📗

In life, we keep hearing "YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO" and WHAT it means is that essentially, in life, there are two options [outliers will give you more than that] and you must CHOOSE ONE.  More than just being a riddle OR a proverb, this is a WAKEUP CALL for us against making rash OR hasty decisions in life.  Because at the end of it, there will be consequences you will face.  Once you've gobbled up that cake down, be aware that the cake is NO longer going to be there to eat later.  So, if we CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE and EAT IT TOO, then WHAT do we do???

Now, if HAPPINESS is an issue, you'll be surprised to hear that recent studies show that people in their sixties, seventies and above are living much happier lives as compared to those in their twenties and even thirty-somethings?  So in our pursuit of HAPPINESS, we have to remember that HAPPINESS is NOT something we were born with OR given.  We have to ACHIEVE it.  So, HOW?  WHY DON'T we step back and truly examine our respective lives.  Do you feel calm, confident and contented?  BTW, experts say that these are the BUILDING BLOCKS for HAPPINESS💧💧💧

Back to our CAKE  which we want to eat it too, this brings us back to the paradox of PASSION, which leads us to that confusion between WANTING versus HAVING.  And setting aside semantics, WANTING and HAVING are indeed tagged as RIVALS or conflicting because while sometimes they work together, often times, WANTING and HAVING will be butting heads and forcing us to choose one OR the other.  But clearly, let's agree that both HAVE and WANT are desirable states.  WHEN we HAVE something, it comes with security, control, predictability and satisfaction.  Let us admit it, many of us seek to be satisfied.  On the other hand, WANT is that anticipation, desire, motivation, and pleasure.  WHEN we get WHAT we WANT, we experience something close to HAPPINESS.  Yes, many of us desire to be HAPPY💥💥💥

Our takeaway?  WHEN you want something, it reinforces the fact that you DON'T have it.  And WHEN you have something and are satisfied with it, you may NO longer want it.  Let's look back at real-life situations.  Once WHEN you were hungry, you likely WANTED food.  Your mind began to summon up images of your favorite meal as you considered WHAT you might eat.  As that WANTING for food increases and accelerates, so too does your desire and motivation to seek out a delicious meal.  And WHEN you get your favorite meal and eat it, WHAT happens?  Once you NO longer want to eat, that feeling of satisfaction turns next to WANT something NEXT again, and the vicious cycle loops all over again.  So dude, WE CAN'T HAVE THE CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!@#$%?

Are ROUGH Patches The Beginning Of The END?

Are ROUGH Patches The Beginning Of The END?

Are ROUGH Patches The Beginning Of The END? Now, consider this hypothetical example.  You and your partner/spouse are in a tough place.   You have a hard time feeling connected and DON'T feel connected.  You worry if this is the BEGINNING OF THE END of the relationship.  You fantasize about WHAT life might be like starting over, being single, and WHAT dating someone new might be like.  Maybe you even started searching for legal advice for divorce???

Many couples do experience similar situations and come out stronger, MORE connected, and MORE in love than ever before.  Oh Oh, that statement may sound too idealistic OR even unimaginable IF you are experiencing a ROUGH PATH in your relationship.  It can happen, though, and it takes work [and tons and tons of effort].  There is NO sugar-coating in those kinds of situations.  Eventually, you will have to make the decision that the relationship is worth being IN and working ON.  If so, you got to commit to rolling up your sleeves and doing your part💎💎💎

So, HOW do we go about that kind of a crisis that looks unresolvable?  Primero, OWN YOUR PART.  Recognize your role in HOW the two of you got to this place in your relationship.  There will always be that 'WE' stuff that impacts every relationship BUT here's a word of caution, there is also always a "ME" stuff in that equation at hand.  You then decide if you are willing to do some personal inventory on the internal work that you need to tackle💦💦💦

Do you need to CHANGE your attitude about your partner/spouse and allow yourself to notice the good things they do?  Can you find something you appreciate about your partner/spouse and let them know?  OR you may need to forgive OR accept some things you cannot CHANGE about your partner/spouse to open up your own mindset?  There may be WORK that you do that allows you to hold your partner/spouse in a POSITIVE perspective again, if that puts your relationship back on track💥💥💥

Our takeaway?  Regardless of the mile-long rough patches that characterizes your ordeal, remember that farther down the road, the roads are PAVED and SMOOTH and who knows, at that point, you will restore again that FUN.  As experts opine, great relationships need tending.  Shared POSITIVE experiences lead to shared POSITIVE emotions.  And if you DON'T invest in quality time with each other, DON'T be surprised WHEN you start to view your spouse as a 'business partner' that you are in the 'business' of being in a relationship with.  So, DON'T miss out to 'reframe ' the situation because rough patches usually represent the consequences from a time when the relationship WASN'T a priority.  So, ARE ROUGH PATCHES THE BEGINNING OF THE END?  NO, NEIN, NADA❗❗❗

Running On EMPTY?

Running On EMPTY?

Just like a battery's power will eventually drain and conk out, humans can only keep up a go-go-go pace for so long, NOT so long and NOT so far in fact.  Add to it stress and the daily grind of a busy life will catch up to you.  And IF you're NOT careful, this can even lead to illness .  This state can also make you even irritable and NOT very fun to be around with.  You also probably WON'T be all that productive, despite feeling like all you do is work.  It is really imperative for you to take the time to recharge those internal batteries way before things will worsend and you even reach that scary point when you're  Running On EMPTY❓❓❓

Now, before we deep-dive into this, let's figure out as to WHAT DOES NOT WORK [at all], and I guess you're familiar enough with those narratives WHEN and WHERE people turn to alcohol after a long, hard day.  While drinking in moderation ISN'T always a terrible thing, it is NOT the best way to try to RECHARGE.  In fact, drinking too much will only compound the issue at hand.  A hangover is only going to make you feel worse, trust me.  Then you probably thought that taking a vacation is the solution to all your problems?  After all, WHAT better way is there to RECHARGE than taking some time off?  It's true that a vacation can be a good way to refuel BUT to rely on vacations as the sole way to keep your internal battery running strong is NOT the best solution, frankly📌📌📌

I've been through all those vicious cycles.  I've approved vacation leave applications after my team member confided that he's going off for a well-deserved holiday.  And I wished he'll enjoy it.  NOW, believe me, many times, on the very business day that employee should be back to work from his vacation, he calls SICK.  Whether it was true OR not, let's agree that vacations drain you, in fact.  Ironically, you end up going back to work more exhausted.  So you end up calling SICK!@#$%?

Instead, experts recommend 'mini-vacations'  and that means, even spending those mini respites even within the city, within the metro, even in 'staycations'.  BUT before we get dragged into this dilemma, there are simple life hacks shared by experts, offering modest ways for us to RECHARGE.  This saves us enormous time to plot and plan itineraries cutting across weeks where your energy ends up zapped❎❎❎

• ENJOY NATURE.  Explore those small patches of greens around you.  DON'T go too far
• TAKE A TECH DETOX.  That constant presence of technology in our lives is often compounding our stress.   Try reading/writing while on DETOX
• EXERCISE, MEDITATE.  Either way, it may sound counterintuitive BUT one of the best ways to boost your energy is to expend some in a workout [even that means MORNING WALKS]

Why Dwell In The Past?

Why Dwell In The Past?

Why Dwell In The Past?  Now, let's be brutally frank about WHAT's going on.  Your 'monkey mind' wants to live in either that painful PAST or that anxous FUTURE.  So, it DOESN'T like to stay in OR savor the PRESENT moment.  Sadly, this mental habit of ruminating over WHAT has happened OR WHAT will happen can make life a miserable journey.  WHAT happens next is that many people are unable to control their mental chatter and continue to suffer instead.  BUT if we can learn to tame our mind to stay in the PRESENT, WHY NOT📗📙📘

Living in the PRESENT has always been tough BUT hey, life happens here and NOW.  Life exists in this present moment.  NOT in the past OR future as most of us are accustomed to.  So, are you living in the PRESENT moment?  Better be because in that regard, you are NOT waiting for the next moment to be fulfilling OR happy.  This is because you are NOT unhappy in the 'NOW', subject to unpleasant clingy thoughts from the past💧💧💧

And WHEN you live in the PRESENT, studies show that you are very likely to be livelier, content and even stress-free because you refuse to entertain PAST experiences or FUTURE anxieties related to health, money, family, work etc.  Experts advise that it may be helpful to even have a phone wallpaper featuring the NOW clock or a gemstone that reminds you that everything you are experiencing exists only in the PRESENT✅✅✅

Many times, though, we carry stressful work situations OR even unsatisfactory experiences with clients.  WHAT happens next, we repeatedly REPLAY them in our minds to analyze and dissect how that client meeting could have been better😕😕😕

Our takeaway?  We seem and tend to forget that we have that right to 'CHOOSE and APPRECIATE' whatever the PRESENT moment brings to us.  So, instead of ruminating about PAST and FUTURE worries, we can choose to drop all fears and swim in the magic of the PRESENT moment.  Experts strongly encourage us to practice this every day because PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.  And equally important is for us to TAME THE MONKEY MIND because that MONKEY MIND can hop-in and hop-off from one branch to another within seconds and before we know it, get hostaged [all over again] by DWELLING IN THE PAST [over and over again]❎❎❎

Why Experience Matters

Why Experience Matters

I stumbled across this one-liner before and I still I can't forget as it says 'EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER AND THE WORST EXPERIENCES TEACH THE BEST LESSONS'.  Well said.  Simply put, if everyday in your life is a WALK IN THE PARK, it might not hold water.  Why Experience Matters.  BUT if you do live a normal life [as I do], surely your past experiences are peppered with trials and tribulations📗📙📘

Having survived life's challenges through all these years, facing numerous adversities and precious moments of joy, I'd admit that I've come to terms with the fact that much of our life experiences are a direct outcome of our own belief system.  And admittedly, it takes donkey years to develop a solid belief system built on the foundation of self-awareness, practical optimism combined with gratitude😂😂😂

Frankly, the harsh truth is that for many people, it takes many years for them to develop a solid belief system built on the foundation of self-awareness, practical optimism and gratitude.  Most people take far too long to realize the not so secret 'ingredients' that make life worth living.  BUT at this point, let us set expectations [to avert that frustration that would burst out faster than the speed of light]💧💧💧

And the REALITY is, you and me CANNOT have it all at once.  And as there are five pillars in life, namely HEALTH, CAREER, RELATIONSHIPS, SPIRITUALITY and PERSONAL GOALS, it takes time [like your first 20 to 30 years in life] to construct and strengthen these pillars.  And let's agree, everyone wants a SOLID foundation no less.  BUT they want it by strengthening all the pillars ALL AT ONCE!@#$%? Ironically, regardless of your capability, you can only focus on one or two pillars at a time at most.  To be aggressive and ambitious is laudable but you and I CAN'T and WON'T reach that far regardless of our laudable ambitiousness❎❎❎

Our takeaway?  We are NOT claiming here that only experienced people can make meaningful decisions for themselves.  And this is where expertise comes into the picture.  Like a psychiatrist, for instance, DOESN'T need to have experienced hallucination to know WHAT medications to prescribe to a person with schizophrenia.  And an economist need NOT have experienced poverty to offer solutions to the world's economic problems.  BUT without a lived experience, NOT only can we NOT understand WHAT a person has been through, we simply CANNOT judge them by the same standards we judge ourselves.  This is WHERE understanding the limits of empathy and conceding to its irreplaceable insights that EXPERIENCE can offer us all.  This is WHY EXPERIENCE MATTERS❗❗❗

Those Low-hanging Fruits In Life

Those Low-hanging Fruits In Life

Life by itself is already a GIFT as it offers us that privilege, opportunity and responsibility to give something back by becoming MORE.  BUT dude, can we focus on those  Low-hanging Fruits In Life if only we can achieve those QUICK WINs and SMALL WINs [while we're focused on our ultimate plum in life?  BUT given that life is NOT always that POSITIVE, the real GIFTS in life are often disguised in the cloak of issues and problems📗📙📘

And WHEN we've got so much going on, it is easy to feel like there's NEVER enough time in the day.  Like you want a few more hours to chill OR get stuff done without feeling rushed?  BUT, this early this year, let me unwrap a short list of low-hanging FRUITS if you want to free up at least a hundred hours every year.  Here we go folks:

• STOP snoozing.  Let's do the math here.  Multiply 15mins of snoozing for 300 days a year, that frees up SEVENTY FIVE [75] hours of your time, whew !

• That 'SCROLL HOLE'.  On average, how many minutes you do realize scrolling on sites and threads that are, FRANKLY, of zero-benefit to you?  Let's do the math again, assuming that's eating up FIFTEEN [15] minutes for 300 days a year, that's another SEVENTY FIVE [75] hours freed up time for you
• How about your DECISION PARALYSIS?  How many minutes per day did you get stuck unable to make decisions?  Assuming it's just FIFTEEN [15] minutes per day for 300 days, that's another 75 hours freed up

• Those PHONE TIMES way beyond what is NORMAL?  Can you figure it out, if you're spending extra THIRTY [30] minutes.  Let's do the math again across 300 days a year, you'll reclaim at least ONE HUNDRED FIFTY [150] hours for better use in your life.

BUT not to dampen our optimism and hopes, life's GIFTS are NOT always POSITIVE.  We can have all those moments that we'd never want to go back BUT which we can still appreciate them for marking us WHO we are today.  Because our problems are the very thing that it takes to step up to the next level of life.  These are the key to MORE freedom, MORE joy, MORE love, MORE excitement, MORE impact in our life.  Our takeaway?  Let us NOT miss out on those LOW-HANGING FRUITS IN LIFE as easily we can reclaim hundreds of hours hitherto wasted💧💧💧

Anger Assessment

Anger Assessment

Yahooooo, our thread today has a HOT topic for us and this is all about ANGER.  Is there urgency for this topic?  NOT that urgent.  BUT can this be a HOT topic?  Absolutely.  WHY? Because we need to control ANGER before ANGER controls us, period.  HOW can we accept this harsh truth wherein ANGER can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion?? So, we all know what ANGER is📗📙📘

Whether as a fleeting annoyance OR as a full-fledged rage, we all agree that ANGER is a completely normal and usually healthy, human emotion.  BUT here's the thing.  WHEN it gets out of control, it can turn its ugly head and become destructive and it can worsen and spiral, leading to other problems arising from that singular emotion, be it problems in personal relationships and even in the overall quality of your life.  Mother of all worst things to happen in our life, ANGER can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion way beyond your control😖😖😖

Now, let us align with a common understanding by adopting this ANGER definition which says, it is an 'emotional state' that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.  And like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes.  WHEN you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure goes up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, and adrenaline💦💦💦

Unfortunately, ANGER can be caused by both external and internal events.  You could be ANGRY at a specific person OR event [like a pestering traffic jam]  OR your ANGER could be caused by worrying OR brooding about your personal problems.  Memories of traumatic OR enraging events can also trigger such ANGRY feelings.  And the instinctive and natural way to express ANGER is to respond aggressively.  ANGER is a natural, adaptive response to threats.  It does inspire powerful and often aggressive feelings and behaviors which allow us to even fight or defend ourselves when we feel attacked💢💢💢

So, HOW do we manage ANGER?  Yes it can be suppressed and then converted OR redirected BUT when that happens, it means you would try to HOLD ON to your ANGER, stop thinking about it and focus on something POSITIVE.  Our takeaway?  Our aim is to inhibit OR suppress your ANGER and convert it to a more constructive behavior.  Caution, DON'T leave unexpressed ANGER because it can lead and create to new problems💥💥💥

Consider INVERSION THINKING

Consider INVERSION THINKING

For alignment, let's borrow Mr Google's definition of INVERSION THINKING which is defined as that practice of THINKING through problems in 'reverse', that practice of 'INVERTING' a problem, turning it upside down to see it from a different and opposite perspective.  A classic example is how an endeavor could fail, and then being careful to avoid those pitfalls.  The troubling question is once we do decide to Consider INVERSION THINKING, could it improve our decision-making📗📙📘

Without selling INVERSION THINKING to us all, allow me to share its highlights:

• INVERSION THINKING would ask us to mentally simulate a scenario in WHICH our answer is incorrect 
• Working backward like reverse engineering is a common method in problem-solving
• Once you end up with a 'bad' hypothetical answer, it may help generate better ideas

In layman's terms, INVERSION THINKING is very much akin to playing "DEVIL's ADVOCATE" in terms of 'WELL, WHAT IF....." OR "ON THE OTHER HAND....", This INVERSION THINKING is even compared by experts to a toddler WHO keeps asking WHY WHY WHY until he runs of reason to ask WHY.  So, INVERSION THINKING asks us to mentally "REVERSE ENGINEER" the thinking process and identify WHY and HOW it did go wrong📌📌📌

To simplify the analogy of INVERSION THINKING, experts want us to think of those times we were a child in school .  Did YOU raise your hand all the time?  Probably NOT all the time.  Perhaps only WHEN you knew [OR you thought] that you were right.  MAYBE you DIDN'T raise your hand at all, BUT NOT because you were NOT engaged BUT rather, maybe because you DIDN'T want to risk being wrong in a public setting❎❎❎

Our takeaways?  WHY don't we introduce this INVERSION THINKING into our thought process.  Obviously, it will take time BUT hey dude, UNTIL and UNLESS you do it and practice it, you will NEVER get to develop this and have this habit embedded within your thought process.  Bottom line here is that for many centuries, most of us humans have been thinking along conventional thought process.  ISN'T it time for us to consider INVERSION THINKING❓❓❓